Is this your card?

There are dark, unexplainable forces at work in our world. What makes a serial killer strike? Why do innocent children get sick? Why aren't the Yankees in the playoffs?

WHAT SATANIC ABILITIES ALLOW DAVID BLAINE TO HANG UPSIDE DOWN LIKE A TREE SLOTH?



I mean, if it's not Satan himself, what force would let a man suspend himself for a Dive of Death™ with only the sturdiest harness system and specially built steel structure to save him?

My friend and I went to see David hanging around (HAHAHA!) the other night around 9 p.m. and waited to get that picture until 9:20 p.m. because DB was right-side up the entire time. He was peeing, drinking, talking to doctors and having his blood pressure taken. Trust me, I did a lot of handstands my 6th grade year and I was upside down more of the day than he was. We thought he was calling it quits, but it turns out - according to his PR guy - he never promised to hang upside down the entire time. "NAH NAH, got you on a technicality mofos!" he added. He was heard muttering "suckers" as he slunk off into the dark of night, pulling his magic cloak of secrecy around him.

Between the two of us, my friend and I have now seen him buried alive, encased in ice, standing on top of a tower and living in an underwater bubble. (Bonus points: My friend was tossed out of the ice stunt because his friend extinguished a cigarette on the ice.)



This was actually going to be my Christmas card a few years ago:


This is the human version of the view for the reindeer at the back of the pack. Hope your holidays are magic!