Reverse Bloutout

I realize Bloutout is a pretty new feature for me to be changing up already, but I'm blogging about this site so you don't have to go there.

How often are you, the lowly office worker, stuck at your desk for lunch, merely subsisting on a sandwich freshly made to your specifications, or eating leftovers - the same food that was good enough for you the night before, but has turned into unpalatable gruel overnight? I know, right? Why would you do that, pauper! There's gotta be a better way!

Enter your lunchtime angel, Ivanka Trump. The "blonde" daughter of Donald "Add my name in gold letters to that building" Trump has heard your cries of anguish. While the rest of us were content to look the other way, brave Ivanka has removed the silver spoon she was currently eating with long enough to start a blog. The result is a food giveaway with the zeal of a person who just found Jesus. In partnership with ConAgra foods.

I present to you:

A Lunch Trade

Ivanka - who can now add blogger for luncheon meats to a resume already crowded with a network show, modeling career and upcoming (no lie) diamond line - is dropping science about the hardships lunch presents, for all of us.



Ok, best I can figure from the blog, this product is far superior to every other thing you could ever eat because the meat can be stored in your desk unrefrigerated for a year. Sign me up to eat that!

But don't take my word for it. Ivanka?




Or just take irrefutable scientific facts. Quantifiable measurements like coast-to-halfway-to-the-other-coast buzz.



Despite her repeated assurances throughout the posts that she wants to hear from you about your lunch break, there are under 20 comments on the entire blog. But the ones that are there are doozies. They're written in a humanoid corporate-speak style that no one has ever spoken in. Like aliens came to earth and mastered the language without getting it right. Can you imagine when you're out with your friends at the bar on Friday, they ask what you had for lunch that day, and you say:






But I think these comments of praise for Ivanka getting the word out sum up the whole venture:



And, in closing: