"Thanks for your committment to Christmas"

Now this is Christmas. (Take a note, Amazon!) My friend, this gal,recently got a letter to Santa written by a young friend of her family. Yes, this is real. Yes, he's in elementary school. Yes, this is why I'd be a terrible Santa, cause if I'm getting a letter like this, I'm going to be like, "Screw it" and empty my sack of toys at this kid's house.

Dear Santa,

I think I've been a pretty good boy this year. When I've been crazy I just wanted to play with {sister}. My report card came out super! So I've been a good kid in and out of school. I only want these five gifts because when I watched Fred Claus I realized you were struggling. This is my list.

1. Guitar and guitar lessons
2. DS games like Backyard Baseball 09 and Diddy Kong racing
3. Baseball glove
4. 2nd Golden Compass book
5. iPod shuffle

Thanks for your committment to Christmas.

"Ryan Smith"



I think this lad needs to run seminars for other kids on how to construct the perfect letter to Santa. I've made him a few talking points. It's up to him to get it into PowerPoint.

1. Set expectations low. You haven't been the best kid ever, you've been "pretty good." That way when Santa goes digging into your record there are no surprises.

2. Be specific! Give examples. Were you good at school? Nice to your sister? Show him.

3. Sum up your main thesis: "I've been a good kid in and out of school."

4. It's never too late to butter up the big man. He's a busy guy. There's a recession on. Tell him you understand his plight. (4a: Watch Fred Claus for further details.)

5. Keep it short. One trick here is to ask for a number of big-ticket items to keep the numbers low while maintaining a standard of gift quality.

6. Sign off with a sincere thanks for his commitment to Christmas. It's a big undertaking every year. Show him your gratitude.

7. Sign your full name. The man knows when you're sleeping and knows when you're awake, but there's bound to be multiple kids with your first name who've made the "good" list this year.