Brooke Shields is definitely not a half midget

Is it possible to be a half midget?

I went out with this guy Tuesday night who was about 5’6”-5’7”, and he would have just been considered what I like to call “short” except that somehow his head was proportional to a guy in the 5’11” range. The whole effect was less hydrosephalic and more like he’d just been poorly Photoshopped together. Also his arms were somehow abbreviated. Which didn’t slow him down trying to hug me. Whatevs. Glad your disability isn’t slowing you down.

So I thought surely I’d win the informal weirdest night contest with my roommate.

Not so much. I walk in and she’s blasting music. She comes out of the bathroom and says, “I was just at a Tupperware party for charity and Brooke Shields kept giving me Champagne and I am druuuuuuunk.”

Fiiiiiiiiiiiiine. You win this time.

This just in: Earth revolves around sun. Roommate still crazy.

Because people have been begging (begging!) for crazy roommate Monica updates, here ya go.

Things were going smoothly. I had my mold-catastrophe Thanksgiving (How many walls did your bedroom have over the holiday weekend? Because if it's more than three, you have me beat.) Monica seemed to express the proper human emotions for the situation, i.e. saying, "Oh that sucks" and the like. In what will probably be her finest hour as a roommate, she even helped me bring all my stuff back in to my newly spackled room. I thought, "Well maybe she's just socially retarded at first. I guess she’s coming around."

Ha.

I don't see much of her (owing to the fact that I avoid her at all costs) so there was nothing to report after that. Until last night.

I had told her I was putting together a Goodwill box of clothes and that she should feel free to add to it. Apparently to her that meant she should feel free to add my laundry to the box. That's right. She went through my laundry bag (which had a detergent bottle on top, so there was really no doubt it wasn't to be donated) and randomly selected some of my shirts, pants and a small area rug to give to the poor and/or thrifty.

Nice to see you're still sticking with the crazy theme, Mon.