From the desk of Hillary Clinton
Hey Barack, it's me. You know, me.
I have a confession: Barack Obama, will you be the vice-president … of my heart?
If you called at 3 a.m. – be it on a red phone, purple phone, some sort of two-toned deal or a Paris Hilton pink Swarovski crystal bedazzled number – I would answer that call. Believe me, in my marriage I’ve gotten a lot of strange calls at 3 a.m.
We’ve known each other a long time and have spent 20 evenings together in the last few months. Just you, me, Tim Russert’s potato-head and Brian Williams’ perma-tan (Is it just me or does he look like he went face first into a bag of Cheetos backstage? LOL! Our first inside joke!)
All those nights with only our podiums between us has only made my feelings for you grow. All that talk of health care and campaign soft money has only made me love you more.
I keep trying to catch up to you, not only in delegates, but also on the campaign trail itself. You never wait for me! We’re both criss-crossing this crazy nation of ours, but never seem to be in the same place at the same time. We’re so star-crossed. I have a brainstorm: We should team up! We could save money and hold rallies together. And we could share a bus. All those hours together…
Michelle would have to ride on the press bus. I kicked Bill off my bus months ago.
I saw you dance on Ellen’s show, and let me just say, if smoothly waving your arms around in front of a lesbian could solve this whole superdelegate kerfluffle, I’d be all for it.
Those tears before Super Tuesday weren’t because I was frustrated with the voting process, they were for you, B.
I hope you’ve noticed I’ve started wearing my best yellow-and-black pantsuit all the time because I know how you love bumblebees. And I use my shrillest, no-nonsense, yelling-at-not-to-my-supporters voice because I know how you love a strict librarian.
Please see the attached 17 illustrations I drew of us.
Please check:
Cordially yours,
Hillary Rodham
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8 comments:
I laughed out loud. 'So what?', you think. Well, I'm in the middle of a business meeting (v. serious) and am supposed to be paying attention. Puhleez - they totally know I check out during this portion of the meeting.
However, know they know know.
(Like that call back?)
Back to work, woman!
Not only do I like the callback, I like it like it.
Priceless!!! This should be on Slate.
What a romantic piece of love history...ah, to be young again.
Man, i hated when obama danced on ellen. Made me almost wish i hadn't voted for him. But then i remembered he's left handed and likes playing basketball.
And so do I.
So i'm cool with my decision.
Hi-larious, although I was halfway through it before I realized you were writing as Hillary and not as Kate. I was wondering about you being married. It would make all the Internet dating stories a little creepy.
Honestly, the funniest thing to me is imagining you going to the trouble of making the "check yes or no" sheet and taking a picture of it just to illustrate the point. You have some kind of dedication.
I shudder to think what would happen with the two of them behind one of those voting booth curtains.
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