Don’t Tell Mom, the Babysitter’s Dead hits a bit close to home

When I started nannying as a stop-gap while my company un-hiring-freezes, I pictured it being more like so:


than like so:


Babysitting will kill me eventually. Not because of the kids, (my motto is “even a crying child will go to sleep eventually.”) who are by and large awesome little people. The neighborhood one little girl lives in however is going to get me murdered. Murdered!


Here’s a quick Q&A session:


When you turned on the news the other night, did anything catch your attention?

Yes, the story on the robbery victim who ran into traffic and got killed by a car.

And why did that stay with you?

Because it’s the exact location I’d been standing 24 hours earlier.

What noble pursuit puts you in such danger?

The noble pursuit of funding my Fabergé egg collection via reading bedtime stories.

Surely this must have been the first time you risked your life to babysit this child.

Funny you should mention that. This is the same apartment I emerged from a few months ago just in time to hear a man get shot. I stayed on the other side of the street, because we all know bullets can’t cross asphalt. That’s just basic physics.

Wow. Must’ve been a fluke.

I thought so too, until I emerged from their apartment a few weeks after the shooting in time to see the paramedics bringing up a restaurant dishwasher muttering “Miguel.”

And what tipped you off that he was the victim of a violent crime and not a, say, heart attack victim, Det. Stabler?

That would be the blood pouring from his side and the cop saying, “You keep saying Miguel. Is he the one who stabbed you?”

Pretty strong tipoff. But at least he probably lived.

Which is more than I can say for the man who was the subject of the candle memorial at the restaurant next door.

What the hell neighborhood is this?

It’s up and coming.

Is this making you rethink your job choices?

It’s starting to.

And did the mom just text you about babysitting Wednesday?

Sure did.


Bonus question: Know of any great blogs for people wanting to completely deconstruct the outfits of everyone’s favorite Baby-sitters Club hot tranny mess, Claudia Kishi?

Sure do!