Yesterday I interviewed at a temp agency that specializes in getting people jobs in creative companies like TV production and advertising. The Chandler Bing in me knows I could come up with great slogans. (“Cheese…it’s milk…you can chew!”)The downside to the interview is that I had to take an Excel test. You can’t fake that! I’d plugged numbers into spreadsheets before, but this mofo was intricate. They were all “Group row C and create a blue border and plug in the appropriate formula to calculate the sum” and I’m all “Whaaaaa….?” It was the same feeling I had in college as when I sat down in a European History class and it was in German for some random reason. Nowhere on the syllabus did it say “in German”. The teacher just walked in and started speaking German without comment and nobody else seemed surprised the class was not in English. I simply fell through a wormhole into an alternate reality.
It was like that, just like me using my 8th grade German to catch every third word. Only this time I was frantically poking through the toolbar (is it called a toolbar? Fuuuuuuck.) to follow every third instruction. The verdict: I got 15%. That’s clinically retarded territory. I’m not really sure how I’ve managed to not choke to death on my spit by now.
Just as bad was that I had to wear a button down collar shirt and – as my dad would call them – slacks. I look ridiculous, a tossup between someone about something to fax a memo to the team in Pittsburgh ASAP and an ’80s comedienne.
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3 comments:
I felt that way every time I sat down to take a test.
Turns out the ACTs are biased toward the non-hung over.
I stole that from the Onion.
Great title.
Last year I took an Excel test for a temp agency, but I was able to just consult the help menu to get through it. It was the temp agency for retards, apparently.
I hate Excel. Why would you need to know that to work in an ad agency, anyway? Wouldn't you be coming up with new slogans for eggs or something?
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