Memo from Dick Wolf

To: All staff writers
From: Dick Wolf

Subject: Free pizza

Hey guys,

I’m sure you saw the headline yesterday about the DC Madam being dead, and here at Law & Order you know what we do to headlines: We rip from them.

That’s where you come in. Cancel your weekend plans because I’m locking you all in the writers’ basement until you come up with a thinly veiled account of the story. You know the drill.

I’m thinking she was murdered for knowing too much. I’m thinking she was set up. I’m thinking it goes all the way to the top. Here’s a tentative beat sheet:

• Jogger/dog walker/arguing couple is startled to find dead body

• First cop on scene says it’s a suicide, plain and simple. Her face is gone, and there's no ID, but there's a bill in her purse with her address.

• Go to her house.

• Detective sees full plate of food on her table, has a hunch it’s (Chung chung!) murder. “How many girls you know who kill themselves before eating dinner?” Exactly.

• That black lady in forensics says they’re working on a ballistics match “on your Jane Doe”. But wait! Her DNA matches the famed madam.

• Detective recognized the picture she pulls up and gives all the back story through dialogue to another detective.

• Joke about detective going to a hooker.

• Cops talk to her friend, who steers them to the madam’s local bar.

• Interview bartender who won't stop doing his job as he's interviewed but remembers every detail about the random client because “she was a real good tipper. Dressed up real nice too. Don’t get many of that kind in here. She was always with a new guys. Must’ve had a lot of boyfriends.” Detective: “Something like that.”

• Commercial break.

• Friend just remembered to tell them the madam had a boat.

• DA goes to court but the judge won’t let them search it for some obscure legal reason.

• But the friend has a key for the boat and she finds signs of a break in.

• Work in a high-speed water chase.

• Somehow, her little black book turns up.

• Judge won’t allow it as evidence.

• Friend says “Wait, Judge Smalls? Walter Smalls?”

• Turns out judge is in the book.

• Commercial break

• Blah blah blah detecive work

• Judge is the killer, but he goes free on a technicality.


This is one of the “thinking episodes” I like to do where the detectives debate wealth and privilege. Get your Emmy speeches ready.

Also: I’m leaving my Gold AmEx in my top drawer. Bob has the key. Order pizza, but let’s cap the toppings at two.


Chung chung,

Dick