What I learned about the girl sitting behind me at The Rocker

Last night I got to go see a screener of The Rocker starring Rainn Wilson as a drummer kicked out of his band who joins his nephew's high school group 20 years later. Yes, I know what you're thinking and he does drum naked in one extended scene.

Verdict: Solid, but no Sarah Marshall. Rainn Wilson is good, of course, but if the movie were made five years ago, you know they would have wanted Will Ferrell.

The rest of my faves (Will Arnett! Jason Sudeikis!) were way underused. I just looked on imdb and Will Arnett isn’t even on the cast list. Weird.

But even the best story couldn’t have held the attention of the girl behind me who continued to carry on a normal-voice-level conversation with her boyfriend.

As my English friend Will once said, “My God, it’s like listening to DVD commentary as you’re in the theater.” (Only, since he’s English, he probably said “theatre”.)

Here’s what the back third of the theater learned about the girl behind me:

• She’s hungry for a cheeseburger

• And fries

• Ooh! And a vanilla shake.

• She thinks the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame is the Louvre, even with the sign saying “Rock & Roll Hall of Fame”

• She sleeps on an air mattress

• She knows all the words to the song

• And she’ll sing them

• She’s not sure what a marionette is

• She recognizes that actor

• She likes to pretend to talk like a trucker when she sees one onscreen

• She just learned the symptoms of gonorrhea

• She likes how that girl’s hair looks

• Something about that shirt/tie combo is bugging her

• Thinks when people sleep with their eyes open “that shit crazy”

• Wasn’t quite sure what the actor who spelled “t-a-i-l” spelled

• “I seen Gigi fall like that drunk before”