To sum up, I was carrying dog crap

Know how sometimes you have to take the dog out in the middle of the night so you put on shoes with your jammies and head off into the anonymous darkness? Not so much when you're living in midtown.

Now that I'm with Boy Who Wishes To Not Be Blogged About (BWWTNBBA) I share custody of a dog - DWWTNBBA. He's a very sweet and outgoing mutt who is happiest when in playing his favorite games: Bone, Rope or squeaky Football.

DWWTNBBA is on a very New York dinner schedule, between 8 and 10 p.m., just like us. He goes out for his last walk after 10 but before The Daily Show. He barrels down the stairs and leans against the door until we open it. From then on, it's his self-imposed duty to protect us from pigeons, horse-drawn carriages and the odd woman yelling at nobody while she adjusts her wig and spits. Actually, I'm glad he's on guard for the last one.

So I went out for the all-important final walk last week in BWWTNBBA's boxers, an oversize white T shirt and flip flops. Yes, I was looking fly. We stroll around the block and he does his business on the back 9. From then on - yay curb laws! - I get to stroll around the city with a bag of dog crap until we come to the garbage can.

We're almost home when I see actual paparazzi next to our apartment. Oh. Dear. God. This takes the naked dream to new levels.

Believe it or not, they weren't there for me. Out of a car steps a woman in a gold sparkly number. Joan Rivers. Joan Rivers! JOAN RIVERS! The woman who made a career of eviscerating professionally beautiful people on the red carpet. Good thing I was wearing my best penguin boxers. Who am I wearing? Gap men's department.

She ignored the photographers' yelling "Looking good, Joan!" and focused on DWWTNBBA, who, it should be known, is a bit of a ham for attention.

"What a fabulous dog!" she cooed as DWWTNBBA wagged his tail in a full circle like a propeller. I hid the bag of crap behind my back. She didn't mock me, but I guess sometimes you just want to leave work at the office.

Then she was ushered into the restaurant next door and I have my go-to story when I'm on Conan someday.