You’re with us for a momentus, uh, moment. It’s the first installment of the Kateie Awards. It’s not the Katies, because I leave that name to the peppier girls, but since it’s the law that all awards have to end in –y or –ie, this what you’re getting. Here are my winners for the following categories, which all fall under the larger category of Things That Happened Yesterday.
Most adorably worrysome grandmotherly discovery: The woman on the phone next to me who said to her friend: “Well I was going to send him a telegram, but apparently they don’t exist anymore….they said since like last year…I sent him an email written like a telegram.”
Most interesting second half of a sentence: From a man in the cafeteria saying to a friend “…sometimes it’s just hard to switch from conga mode to work mode, ya know?”
Most regrettable moment: Realizing I don’t have a personal “conga mode.”
(Pause for montage to items I’ve lost recently.) Cue Boyz II Men “How Do I Say Goodbye to Yesterday?”: My aqua pen, the pad of Post-Its someone walked away with, my dime that rolled under a vending machine.
And we’re back!
Rudest punctuation: ?!?!?! (Narrowly beating out the simpler ?????? or !!!!!!!!) Nothing says “you’re a jackass” like an impressive row of ?!?!?!?. Also, be sure to send this email marked “High priority.”
Most awkward way to change the channel when your remote stops working: My umbrella.
Best sign your room is too small: See above.
Send me your nominees and we’ll do it again some time. Everyone drive home safely.
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2 comments:
Damn... I need a Conga Mode. Sounds a hell of a lot better than regular old mode.
We should talk soon stop
I miss telegrams stop
where am I stop
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