Stupid liberal media

At some point CNN.com gave up on reporting human news and became CADUT.com Cute Animals Doing Unlikely Things site. When I become an elderly shut-in, this will be the source for all my pet updates. You heard me Animalplanet.com

I’ll click on a few times a day to be greeted with this delightful vision of sound news judgment:



Be with you in a minute, tsunami-ravaged villagers!

But since dogs can’t be saving their choking owners all day every day, CNN sometimes does people news too. Especially if it's literally within their building.

I'm assuming that's why we're going into day two of Breaking News! about a run-of-the-mill shooting in the CNN complex. Sometimes you gotta bring the news to the journalists. They also like free food. Just sayin.

But! I'm nothing if not one to see the positive in this tragedy. Rarely does a silver lining contain the word “Pimpin”:



Aaaawwww yeeeeah.

I think the killer actually came out looking better than this writer/witness. Note to self: Never ask a journalist for a quote. It will come out sounding like this:



After years of seeking quotes from others, Brad, you knew just how to phrase the emotion and drama of the situation without actually sounding like how a real human being would speak.

Well played.