You're with me, leather

(This is probably why I can't find a kid to borrow.)

Halloween rocks.

Allow me to elaborate on my argument: Halloween rocks so much.

We eat candy! We dress up! We go to parties! It's not even October 1st and I'm plotting and scheming my way to disguise greatness. I'm going to be, ahem, Angelina Jolie (the mother version). I'm getting a fake ponytail of lustrous hair, drawing on giant lips and tying three multi-cultural dolls to my back. (One with fauxhawk).

It was going to be two dolls and a real 5-month-old but apparently this friend of a friend isn't comfortable lending out her infant to a stranger. She "got a babysitter" and won't let me ''fauxhawk (her) daughter's hair" and is a "more responsible mother than (I'll) be someday."

I've actually got a few great baby costumes in mind for any future children smart enough to be born to this Halloween genius. These are public domain, so help yourself:

* Baby Donald Trump: Little baby suit and a hat with an impressive golden swoop of hair attached.
* Baby Pope: A little pope hat and robe. (comfy too!)
* Baby Charlie Brown: Yellow shirt with zig-zag and curly-cue drawn on the head with eyeliner pencil.
* Baby strongman: Flesh-colored long sleeve shirt under a red-and-white-striped old timey bathing suit. Handlebar moustache. Tuck socks in the shirt to make muscles. A dumbbell-shaped rattle.

Halloween allows me one day a year to wear my leather pants. Two years ago I wore them with a purple wig and was Jennifer Garner on Alias. Last year I was Newscaster Barbie. (They only had blonde bob wigs, so I gave Barbie a backstory. She and Ken had split, and she sold the Malibu mansion (her dreamhouse, so sad) and she moved to Minneapolis to join the 6 o'clock newsteam. (Bob Roberts and Barbie, with Chip Donaldson's Doppler weathercast and Mike Thomas with sports). She's happy. She says hi.

Last year I went down to the Halloween parade (I meant to write a recap at the time. I never said I was Kate McPromptBlogger) and there were two standout costumes: Tons of people rounded up groups of their friends and went as The Gates. Not Bill and Melinda (I'm hilarious) but those orange curtain things. I've laughed all year picturing how crushed they all must've been to realize that at least a half-dozen other groups had the same thought. They should have all teamed up like a giant, winding, "don't tread on me'' snake.

The best costume I saw among the political satire ("Heckufa job Brownie!" was their rallying cry) and bedazzled costumes of various sluttiness was a guy in street clothes and a box of M&M packs. When people heckled him from the sidelines (and they did) he started in with his spiel like the teenagers on the subway, "My name is Jamal and I'm raising money for my basketball team!"

Brillig.