Fred in relationships

When you’re in a relationship you know isn’t working, you’ve got a few options: Dump them, start being an ass in the hopes that your former beloved will do the dirty work and dump you, flee to Reno in the night. Or you can just drag your feet, knowing that maybe life would be better without Cody fussin’ at you about dinner being cold and telling you to hush up when NASCAR is on. But on the other hand you’ve known Cody since before he got his GED, you’ve figured out how to get him to mow the lawn sometimes and he even lets you go to bingo once in a while. And he did get you that nice reindeer sweatshirt last Christmas. And he’s pretty close to remembering when your birthday is. (This is the year! The 18th, Cody!)

And if you stay with status quo Cody (Quody?), you’ll never have to get Match e-mails like bachelor number 1:

*Subject: OK.... I'm here what are your other two wishes?

Hello God? It's me again, Oh God, is there a man out there who owns
his own business, has his priorities in order, is smart AND great in
bed, grew up not being a momma's boy, never lies-EVER-- about
anything!--Is he out there? Oh good, and God, could you make sure he
puts all of that pretentious bullshit info in the first email? Thanks.

I hope I got your attention. :-)

You got my attention like cartoon promotions get Boston police attention, darlin’. Let me just say I’m flattered frightened that you think my relationship with God is close enough that I’d pray for a man to be good in bed. And say “bullshit” to the Almighty. Also, you’re 38. There’s a moratorium on emoticons after 30 unless you’re the editor of Seventeen.

Or how about bachelor number 2?:


*Please, NO WINKS! Email me and I will respond. I am a paid member so i have the capabilities to respond to you directly. Have pictures on your page that are representative of how you look. I have updated pictures on my page so I expect others to do the same. We don't have the luxary of seeing each other face to face so pictures are important. Please no webcam face pics. Have full body pictures. Also please read my profile. I think it tells you a lot about who I am and what I am looking for. R.I.F LOL 

Now that we got that little unpleasantry out the way, let's get to know the man that is Fred. Let the journey begin..LOL

Fred in relationships? I believe you treat the woman in your life special and appreciate her. You make time for her and dont use priorities in your life as a crutch or a tool to prevent you from being with someone. I am someone that believes in quality time, cooking for someone, massages, wine, maybe a weekend getaway. Physical chemistry is very important to me. I need to be attracted to someone physically AND mentally. I want someone that will support and challenge me. I am aggressive, very easy going and easy to talk to.

Fred, Fred, Fred. I don’t think I need to tell you this is a man who has one of those thin lines of facial hair outlining his chin. LOL

What does R.I.F. stand for? LOL. I thought I was abbreviation savvy, but you’ve opened new doors to me already. LOL I can see some woman have done you wrong, that’s why there’s the strong need for multiple, full-body, non-Webcam pictures. LOL Did you date that woman from Norbit? LOL


Although I must say, I do like being treated special. LOL Even by the dichotomy that is Fred — aggressive AND very easy going. That’s more than Cody ever did for me.