Just call me Weezy

After weeding through the seedy dark side of humanity that is Craig’s List New York, I shall fox wit them no more.

I moved down the island this weekend, to my own little bedroom/cubbyhole on the Upper East Side, part of a two bedroom I’m sharing with Greatest Roommate Of All Time. I met her online, actually, but worlds away from guys looking for feet to tickle in exchange for free rent. ’Cause, you know, I keep it classy. Turns out we work in the same building, one floor apart, do the same job, I know one of her bosses, and we’re from the same state. A match in roommate heaven. Or famous last words. We’re off to a strong start though — GROAT even made me dinner Sunday night while I assembled my bed.

Added bonus: I no longer breathe in plumes of black mold from my wall (or as my super adorably called it “just humidity.”)

I actually had to put together my bed twice, as I realized the hard way that in the bed's original direction the final, uh, metal thing was about 3 inches longer than the room. So up against the other wall it went, and now it’s in a cool little nook exactly as wide as the bed that I’m calling “cozy” and “like being in a playhouse” to keep myself from feeling claustrophobic.

I had the offer of bed-assemblage assistance from Azerbaijani Mover, who wanted to come back off the clock to help me put it together, then take me for margaritas.
“I can think of no more awkward-at-best/terrifying-at-worst situation,” I did not say.
“No thanks, I’ve got it,” I said.

What I called “making conversation to fill the silence in the moving truck talking about caviar from the Caspian Sea” he saw as flirting. Likewise, when he said he could lift the box because he “made many of the push-ups today” I saw as a fun translation, like being near a real-life Borat. He saw it as bragging.

Also, he warmed up by saying, “You might not really believe this, you might not hear this a lot, but you are actually quite pretty.” Did he just compliment me and insult me at the same time? And then there was this gem: “You will be a good mother some day.” Is this hitting on a girl Azerbaijani style?

Well that’s just great. Plus, he knows where I live. Stranger Danger! Stranger Danger! I’ve seen Law & Order: SVU, I know how this works.