It happened last week. A roundup

Just in case you thought not working a 9-to-5 job might be boring, you better check yourself.


1. Found out my roommate’s moving out because she doesn’t want to split the broker’s fee for the apartment with me, as she agreed to do. She stuck me with the whole bill for that and gave me a week’s notice to find a new roommate and somehow twisted it around in her little mind that I was at fault and am somehow profiting from this. This will be a long, boring post once I’m not too angry to embrace syntax again.

2. Got hit on by a deaf guy. When I told (wrote) him that I didn’t have TTD (which in my mind stands for “talking to the deaf” but is actually some sort of voice thing so you can…talk to the deaf) on my phone, he told me I could call his brother, who would relay the message. I’m so following up on this.

3. Got Tiki Barber’s autograph. My dad’s a big ol’ Giants fan and my brother and I are in an arms race to see who can get him more autographs/phone calls with cool people. The Giants were in the Super Bowl a few years ago (Wikipedia it yourself) and he was severely injured in the games leading up to it, but then he was Mr. Goldenlegs on the field. They cut away to his twin, Ronde, in the stands and my dad and I were two people with the same thought…Ronde was the one playing! I meant to check with Tiki about this. Also, if Tiki got an online encyclopedia it would be Tikipedia. That’s just how my mind works. Embrace it.

4. Tiki was very concerned about my dad’s heath because…

5. My dad is starting radiation after they removed a cancerous bit of his nose. I’m so wanting a Nose Cancer Livestrong bracelet and/or run-walk. Yes, this is the same dad who came within inches of death last year around this time.

6. Emailed with the writer of an Oscar-winning movie because he wanted to see my scripts. More on this soon, you best believe.

7. A homeless man did a sketch of me on the subway. I was excited about the cool piece of art coming my way as he was working. That soon faded, as the result looks like me if my face were shot with a horse tranquilizer. I still gave him $2 since I’m nothing if not a patron of the arts.

8. I heard a guy get shot. I was leaving someone’s apartment. Although they’re in a nice building, it’s across from (what’s the P.C. way to say this?) an ungentrified area. I watched a herd of teenagers shouting each other, careful to stay across the street (because bullets can’t go across the street. Duh.) There was a huge blast and everyone started running (except for that one kid, I suppose). Girls — not women, but girls — pushed their strollers away quickly, which I’m sure disappointed the infants, because what baby doesn’t want a front-row seat to a fight in Harlem at midnight?