30 seconds worth of questions for the Gap.

My first attempt at liveblogging:

• Whaaaaa….?

• Who is this tiny flailing person? Was there some sort of hire-the-handicapped contest?

• Oh no, oh God no, please, is that Audrey?

• Don’t you just hate when you’re elegance personified for a few decades then some greedy offspring goes and ruins your hard-won image in literally 30 seconds?

• Seriously, how bad a mother was she? Are we talking wire hangers?

• How hard did the ad agency work to make her look batshit crazy? Was it late nights with Chinese takeout in the editing booth to defile the memory of the style icon to every chirpy nip-slipping actress in Hollywood?

• “Back in Black"? Oh I get it, because the pants are black, and the song says black, right in the title. Takes out the guesswork so I don’t go into the store, panic and buy green pants. Because that would be lame.

• Remember that great “Jump, Jive and Wail” commercial a few years ago? You still sell those same khakis, so let’s bring that one back. We could all pretend to be interested in swing dancing again (retro!) and be enthralled with at stop-action 360-degree shots (edgy!) like the Matrix had never happened.

• Should Bellview study this?

• Can I say that a person who’s been dead since 1993 is dead to me, or is that redundant?


And finally, a haiku:

No, I won’t wear those
pants. You made her look crazy.
So stop asking, Gap.