Summary: There's a lot of hair in my office garbage can

I was putting the final touches on my Halloween costume (maternal Angelina Jolie) and realized I've probably already scared more people than your average hobgoblin this year.

(The only thing scarier than a gnarled-up goblin mask is one of those machines with a motion sensor that starts cackling when trick-or-treaters come to the door. I mean, scare kids, don’t scar them for life. Sidenote: Do you think the people who put those by their door are trying to help with America’s obesity epidemic by giving kids negative associations with candy?)

At lunch today I ran to a Jack's 99 Cent Store, where the sign says "Everything 99 cents…and up." I felt like pointing out to Jack that that is kind of true for most stores, but there was no time. I was on a mission. I had to get three little dolls to duct tape to myself.

Early on the plan got derailed when I realized that they only had black princess dolls left. Whatever, I thought, I'm Angelina. I don't see color. So, no doubt crushing a small girl's dream to own a small black princess doll, I scooped up the last three.

I've now spent the last half hour printing off faces of Maddox, Zahara and Shilo Pitt-Namibia-Jolie and giving the Maddox doll a faux-hawk. Then I stopped to write this. Yes, my boss is out of town today, why do you ask?

In total, I've worried, or at the very least puzzled, the following people:

The store clerk who rang up a professionally dressed woman in her 20s casually buying three identical black dolls in the middle of the day.

The coworker waiting for something to print as I came over and got the random assortment of pictures of someone else’s babies.

The coworker who walked by as I was cutting a doll’s hair and glue-sticking it straight up.

The coworker who just did a double-take at the six tiny feet poking out of my purse.

And tonight:

The janitor tonight who will no doubt quiver when he looks in my garbage can and sees piles of hair and wadded up faces of babies, wondering if it’s a voodoo ritual.

Employee of the month, right here.