I tend to take things the extra mile. Whereas you will be content with merely eating one green apple, I'll eat three. You will check Gawker twice a day, I'll compulsively refresh it until my fingertips bleed. And when a co-worker compliments you on your hair clip, you'll say "Thanks" or maybe even "That's so sweet. I like your skirt." I will blurt out the price.
"Thanks! It was only $2.50!" I'll chirp in your face. And you'll back away slowly, because there's nothing to add to the conversation.
Nobody likes it when people brag about something being expensive, but announcing how little you paid is just annoying and weird. I mean, it's like I'm living during a World War II sugar ration, bragging about sweetening my cake with applesauce.
It's part of my overall problem controlling my mouth, not in a bitchy or gossipy way (editor's note: that's not true), but in a literally-don't-know-what-I'll-say-until-it-comes-out way.
On the first day of class one semester in college the teacher was calling roll and although everyone else had seemed to master raising their hand or saying "here" the teacher called out my name and I randomly made my hands into the "here's looking at you, kid" finger guns and did that side-of-the-mouth "click click" sound. I promptly skipped the next week of classes, and looking back, probably should have dropped the class entirely.
But the price thing? There's just no explaining it. I like a bargain – everyone who knows me knows that – but I seriously doubt that proclaiming I got a deal on my sweater will make anyone rush out and buy one just like it. (If you do, let me know and we'll like totally wear them on the same day. Sweater twins!)
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to tend my victory garden.
UPDATE: On the way home, I remembered I also said "no problemo" to a coworker today. Why am I allowed to talk? I should be fined.
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4 comments:
My old boss used to brag about her bargain finds too. She said it was a Jewish girl badge of honor. We are honorary tribeswomen then, because I bet your hair clip rocks and I am in lurve with my green Michael Kors wallet from Loehmann's.
melissa: i welcome all comments. stereotypes are fun!
chillier: d'oh! even in a post about how i can't control my mouth ends with me sticking my foot in my mouth.
You did not do the click click thing. It is not possible that this occured in the universe and I'm only hearing about it now.
Also, Carly, how do I make Professor K thoughtfully saying "balls" your cell phone ring?
I did, Red, I did. I didn't tell you before because I assumed it would end the friendship. And rightfully so. I wouldn't talk to someone else if they did this.
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