Hometown heroes

In honor of last night's elections, I bring to you a sampling of my former hometown newspaper's (predominantly) political letters to the editor. These have it all, ignorance, inflated senses of importance, often a failure to grasp grammar. I'm a little uneasy, because there's actually no comment I can add that makes these any funnier/sadder.

* I'm a caring mother of two and a grandmother. Let’s make (redacted) a place where my children, your children and our children's children will like. How about ice skating also? Yes! Disney on ice and much more. I love it. I really do.

Remember yesterday when I said I hate the elderly? I take it back. They're awesome with the non sequitirs and...hey peanut butter Magic Johnson!

* It now seems politically correct to educate Americans about the Islamic religion of Muslims.
Does the (redacted newspaper) plan to have feature stories, with one full-page and several column inches, for all local churches and their different beliefs? There is a cable news network that has the goal and theme of "fair and balanced" reporting of the news. I'm hoping to see balanced and equal coverage in the (newspaper) of the traditional religious beliefs of local folks who are Americans.

YES! Let's kick off the religious isolationism. It's all fair and balanced as long as I agree with it. No foreign ideas, no loud noises, no sudden movements. NO SUDDEN MOVEMENTS! KEEP YOUR HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM! (Extra points if you know what network she's referring to. I hate when people talk in riddles.)


* Wherever in today's world the dominant religion is Islam there is religious persecution or limited exercise of another faith. That is in stark contrast to the blessing of religious freedom we enjoy in our land. People are free to believe and exercise whatever is their faith. They are even free to deny faith and religion. It is what people sought who came to these shores from a land where they suffered for their faith. In a few weeks we shall commemorate their sacrifice with Thanksgiving to the Lord who guided them and preserved their lives through their voyage aboard the Mayflower, which carried both believers and non-believers.

What sort on non-believers sneaked on to the Mayflower? Any why? A hankering to live on maize and mate with girls in pilgrim hats? And nevermind that whole Salem blip.



* This letter states facts about Col.(redacted), the Democratic congressional candidate from (state redacted) Second District.

What a thesis sentence. It's like that old adage: Tell them what you're going to say, say it, then tell them what you said. Sometimes you don't just want to leap in with the facts. Give people a second to adjust.


* Seems we don't always know the good in people, unless someone points it out, so I am. Thank you (redacted) for being the person you are.

Yep, can't argue with that point. You have my vote. This "being the person you are" is called damning with faint praise, lady. That's like seeing a newborn and just saying, "That's a baby all right."


* Farming is a seven-day-a-week job, every day of the year, no matter the weather. (Redacted) doesn't know what it means to "call in sick" because he realizes the importance of agriculture to (redacted) County. My dad wakes up every morning to make a diligent contribution to the agriculture industry.

I know the meaning of "call in sick." Sound it out. I don't know the meaning of throwing your dad in the mix, unless your dad is also the candidate. When your kids are doing the letter-writing campaign, time to bail.




* I would like to express my thoughts on what I thought was a tacky plea for votes. Monday night I attended my daughter's chili supper and band concert at her school. This was a fundraiser event to support the band and celebrate Halloween. While at the chili supper, I noticed about five or six candidates there. I didn't pay much attention to them because I assumed they came with family and friends and any support for the band is always welcome.
However, it wasn't very long until I noticed several of the candidates circling the tables and asking people for votes. They were passing out cards and magnets and I'm sure were making uncomfortable small talk with people. They were with me anyway. This, in my opinion, was tacky. I came to relax and enjoy the evening and support my daughter and the band. I didn't come to be bothered while I ate.

Tacky, people! Tacky! A man wants to eat a chili supper and see a band perform at a high school and you go and ruin his classy evening with your magnets and small talk. Well good day sir. I said good day.


* I have known (redacted) and her late husband, (redacted), for many years.

It's just another victory against verb tenses.


* (Redacted) will work hard for you. He is a man that lives by the motto “His word is his bond.” Thompson is the owner of Thompson's Trophy Center, and was previously in advertising with several local stations. He is a good listener and he will take action.

Bonus? Dreamy eyes.


* Our political system is out of control
Oh no! MSNBC predicted Friday morning that this election will wind up in the courts, just like it did six years ago.
We who cast our votes decided nothing. Our political system is out of control. The lust for power and money has driven us from a surplus to near bankruptcy in just six short years. If we can find anyone willing to serve out of patriotism, we need to find them fast.

Can you feel the vague yet intense sense of panic?


* Her motto has been, "Do what it takes" to make a difference in the lives of (redacted) County's children and youth.
I believe she has lived up to that motto and should be retained as judge.
Another motto that seems also to apply is, "If it's not broken, don't fix it." Our Family Court system is working well under the current leadership, let's don't try to fix it.

Yes, let's don't and say we didn't do.


* On Election Day, remember pre-pay gas
It has been several months since the city commission passed a law requiring gasoline purchasers to pay for their fuel before they can pump it.
I didn't like this practice when it was implemented, and I like it even less now. When you want to fill up, you have to stand in line to pay twice, once to pay your deposit or leave your license, and again when you go back and pay for it.
Every time I have to do this, I think of (redacted) and the other commissioners that started this practice. I would just like to remind all the voters of (city) that if you don't like this ordinance, now is the time to vote these commissioners out of office and bring in some new ones.
Out with the old and in with the new. Give him and his friends a message.

Gold-medal winner of misplaced rage.