I hate the elderly

A byproduct of tiny island + 8 million people is that in public areas, like cafes and Starbucks, you share your table with strangers. They ask, "Mind if I sit?" and you say no and you either chat for a minute or maintain silence. I've gotten job leads, shared matzo on Easter Sunday with two gay guys, commiserated about jury duty with a girl spending her per diem on meatloaf and gotten asked out on a date when I was sick by a guy who assured me, as suavely as possible, he had "a very strong immune system."

It's really one of the nicer ways to connect to people, eating at the Whole Foods cafeteria-style tables with strangers, feeling like we're on a commune with our overpriced squash soup.

This is not how it's supposed to happen:

The setting: Under Rockefeller Center
The time: Lunchtime yesterday
Characters: Yours truly and Crazy Old Lady

Me: Hi, do you mind if I sit?
Crazy Old Lady, sitting at a huge table by herself, surrounded by chairs: You can have a chair.
I stupidly assume this is an invitation to sit down, so I sit.
COL: (screeching): What are you doing?!?!?
Me (Bite of pretzel on way to mouth): sitting?
COL: I said you could take a chair.
Me: But there aren’t any tables.
COL: That's not my problem. You have to wait like I did.
Me (stomping off muttering): Oh your grandkids must love having you around for the holidays. You are not a national treasure.

And scene.