I'd fox wichya all if I could

Oh Craig. You and your diabolical list.

The black mold/Crazy Monica/not being able to communicate with people in my neighborhood is driving me out. That's right, I've plunged into the heart of human darkness that is Craig's List New York to try to find a new apartment.

Note that didn't say "new living situation/pimp." Apparently I'm alone in that boat, since a disproportionate number of people use Craig's List apartment rentals as a dating service. Also, apparently "Pic" in the headline will often be of the poster instead of the apartment.

When you begin your apartment hunt, you might make the offhand comment "I'll take it if it's free haha." Don't do that. You pay even more when it's free.

Here are the ones I can afford:

* WHY AM I GETTING FLAGGED ? PLEASE SOME1 TELL ME, email em and tell meee whyyy lol
Hey , I am about to lock up either a one bedroom or studio apt in central gramercy location. I am a male 21 year old student currently attending baruch college. I am cute, babyfaced , built body (been slacking lately but will get up on it , promise). I am looking for preferably a female to share a one bedroom with , but will consider a male , as long as you are NOT gay, or act gay. If you prefer the bedroom , that might work out as well.Mostly I think it would be easiest to get along with a female. I have lots of female friends who I am cool with , NO SEX , I will not put you in an uncomfortable position considering you will be sleeping here. I am interested in just going to school daily , studying , and relaxing. Nothing crazy. If you are up for catching a couple drinks whenever stressed out , Ill fox wichya.

I'll Fox wichya is my new catchphrase. It'll be my "What you talking about Willis?" or "How rude!" or "Seacrest out."

* seeking any young male house companion for free rent. just clean up and u can live for free. u be young and black. send me a pic. i know how it is 2 struggle out there so i just want somebody i could help out. be gay or bi or something like that. disease free here...u be 2...just holla at me peace out. i'm latino by the way just tryin to help and be my friend.

It's wrong that I was originally pissed that I didn't qualify, right? Aren't there housing discrimination laws?

* Just looking for a beautiful soul and body who might be interested in exploring a mutually benefical relationship that would make both our days and nights pass by with pleasure and kindness. Sharing time and space body and soul can be an amazing experience ...... and yes the rent can easily dissolve like soft smoke.

With poetry like that flowing out of you, I can't believe you're still on the market. Hurrah imagery!

* Looking for a Japanese famale room mate
Convienent location. Close to schools, public transportation, and supermarket.
All utilities included. No pets. No smoking.

Wait for it:

I'm not Japanese

* A wealthy and kind White male in his 30s, a foreigner who has recently moved to Manhattan, is offering a spare bedroom/bath in his large apartment to a friendly, nice, roomate who will add to my life here in NYC. I don't need the money so I'm not charging rent. The bedroom is private and located on the upper-E. side of Manhattan in a great area in a nice building. To respond send a photo and your contact info (cell) and pls. describe yourself.

He's wealthy and kind! How do I know that? Oh, I don't know...maybe because it says so right in the ad? Plus, he's a "foreigner." Not Italian, not Argentinian, not Taiwanese. Just foreign. Also I'm sure he's "employed" by an "employer" and he does "things" for his "money." Odds that private room has a hidden camera: 4:3

* Us: Two mid twenties women, artists, musicians, poetry lovers, visionaries, priestesses, bakers, crystal magic music makers, rainbow eaters, tarot readers. We a create a peaceful friendly quiet home.

You: A joyous male! Kind, considerate, friendly, employed, smokers OK, no heavy drugs, no live-in partners, bill payer.

Me: No
You: Stay away from me, priestess rainbow eater.

And a lesson in what happens if you answer an ad on Craig's List...

* So, I was staying with a guy in the Bronx short-termly...and he was helping me out while I got my shit together..come t find out, he had other ideas of how to repay him for the free room...in which I was incredibly un-comfortable with. He came to me through text messages, while I was in my room...with indecent proposals. Because I would not comply with expectations, to say the least, he would harrass me. I JUST recently this weekend made a break and got out. I am staying all the way in Brooklyn with a friend of mine. At least I am safe and don't have to worry about being harrassed and sent 30 text messages a day. I am in DESPERATE need of a room...whether it be short/long-term.
Also, I have an ADORABLEEEE kitten named JB. If you don't like cats, I can't live with you.

(Cut to huge picture of scowling cat.)

* Love to live w Hairy,, / RESCUED Animals?W Coast Jersey

Uh, yeah. That's the whole ad.

* I am a young businessman. I own several businesses. I am looking for a young, bubbly, hassle free female with no attachments or baggage. You must be a "do it all" kind of girl and you should be willing to go that extra mile when needed. You will share my studio loft located Manhattan, New York City in exchange for work. Manage my two stores receive a small stipend and commission. You will be my right hand, live rent free and gain alot of experience.
Email your picture and telephone number.

"Do it all" kind of girl? Could you even try to disguise your intent?

But here's the one who has stolen my heart...

* This is a tiny loftbed bedroom,$200/mo., for 5'3", or less small stature female, (due to small space) with 39" twin bed, 4'hanging rod, bureau, card table desk and storage space. Has ca. tv. must do some light housework. Apt. is 4Br.,2Ba. duplex, on gr. fl. 120 year old bldg. util. incl., clean, safe, quiet. No sec., dep. or ref. req. Liv. rm. BR. may be used at certain times. I have a roomate now. apt. could hold another. Situation...just a little socializing once in a while, nothing personal.(will explain)free snacks at times. wow!

We agree that I should be going with the guy who has the loft bed, right? Damn me for being too tall! There are snacks involved. How can I say no to that? As I told my friends, it's the snacks that seal the deal/my fate.