Just another hometown hero, doing his part

My New Year's resolutions will have to wait. There are more pressing matters at hand. Matters like my new favorite letter to the editor.

As we learned in part one, English be hard. This particular newspaper has thrown standards, and editing practice, to the wind with this one. How do they choose which letters to run? Well, if you write a letter, they will print that letter.

Off we go...

I am writing this letter in response to a letter Wednesday, “Our sheriff isn't fitting of his office,” offered up by I think, a rotten loser.

Bam! You came out swinging. This is what a steady diet of Fox News punditry does to the elderly. You do get some credit by reprinting the name of the borderline nonsensical headline to take some heat off the following...

I have known and worked for Sheriff (redacted) “Peanuts” (redacted) for the past 19 years. He is a man of integrity, brevity and of a very outgoing personality.

It’s ok. It’s just a few grammatical stumbles, it's still salvageable. (Although maybe Peanuts is indeed of "brevity and a very outgoing personality.") There’s no time to lose when you have a point to make that’s as important as…

Just because an individual doesn't win the election doesn't give a supporter the right to attack what another man has accomplished.

Sure it does. I was hoping if you could go off topic a little bit now, maybe reminisce for us about the good ol’ days at sheriff sleep-away camp?

I can remember when deputies went to the Sheriff's Academy at (redacted) University. Unfortunately, this academy no longer exists. Since those times have passed, we all have been redirected to the Department of Criminal Justice Training Center at (redacted) University in (redacted). I also remember when there were about a dozen or more deputies to cover all of (redacted) County. We now have over 75 employees working hard for the citizens of our county every day of the week, 24 hours a day

Good times, good times. Do you think you need to keep going?

If I need to keep going, I will also mention that we have some of the best equipment to work with and if we need better then it is always given consideration.

That equipment doesn’t include commas, apparently. Do you have some closing advice?

My best advice to a disgruntled voter with a personal opinion is just keep it to yourself, unless someone asks for it.

Said the man who WROTE IN WITH HIS OPINION.

By the way I have never read where the (newspaper redacted) was seeking input about Sheriff (redacted) or I would have written faster. This letter is submitted by an alumnus of (redacted) and a voter who chooses his best candidate.

Thank you for your time, sir. Please consider this an open invitation to write faster with your input next time.